Got BreastMilk? Top Five Ways Partners Can Support a Breastfeeding Mom

It’s an absolute miracle that women’s bodies can produce exactly what a baby needs, but it does. But breastfeeding, while natural, isn’t easy for all moms. Breastfeeding, while wildly beneficial for mother and baby, is a laborious task and can burn an extra 300-500 calories a day. Latching can be difficult, breast ducts can get clogged, and sometimes mom has to adjust her diet for the baby’s needs. That’s why it’s so important to be a supportive partner during this essential season of parenthood.

1. Baby Needs Mom, Mom needs YOU

Partners often want to be helpful and supportive of mom when it is feeding time, but don’t always know what to do. So here are some simple but very helpful things that partners can do to support mom. Offer water, snacks, pediatrician approved medication, pillows, give relaxing massages, and provide time and emotional support! Breastfeeding moms and partners interviewed for this article provided some valuable insights. Here are just three of them:

“Filling up my cup with water while I was feeding was so important. My husband took care of me physically and mentally while I was in recovery. He brought me snacks when I needed it and kept me on my [prescribed] medication so I didn’t have to think about it while I was doing everything else.” – Sydney, 33

 

“As a dad, I felt helpless at times because I wanted to help and she wanted me to, but the baby only wanted one thing. I had to just be there for whatever she needed.” – Joe, 29

 

“I would pump and have milk ready so my husband could get up some nights to feed the baby. Allowing me that extra time to sleep really helped my milk production in the long run.” – Becky, 35

2. Under Pressure

Every family is different and deserves to be supported, regardless of their decision on breastfeeding. Milk doesn’t always come in right away, babies can have trouble latching, and it’s okay if it doesn’t come as naturally as you expected. Take the pressure off mom and reassure her that she is doing her best. Here again some valuable insight from our interviews:

“Allow mom to come to the breastfeeding process gently so she isn’t overwhelmed by the pressure. My husband didn’t pressure me to keep breastfeeding when my milk started drying up. No matter what I wanted to do he supported me.” – Becky, 35

 

“My husband grew up with two older sisters who breastfed, so he was used to it. There wasn’t any weirdness about doing it in public and he has always had the attitude that it was just a normal thing. I didn’t have to convince him and then myself that I was comfortable with it all.” -Taylora, 30

3. Emotional Support

Emotional support and intimacy will more than likely look much different after a baby. Check in with your partner consistently because needs will change daily, if not hourly. Keep an eye out for “the baby-blues” and be prepared to take sex out of the equation for a while. That being said, there are many other nonsexual ways to enjoy intimacy with your partner. Make time for date nights to reconnect or enjoy some nonsexual touching or a relaxing massage. It’s easy to lose these connections in the new-baby haze unless you make your relationship a priority.

“I have two kids and have been breastfeeding for almost three years straight. My hormones are all over the place and that really messes with natural desire cycles. Finding other ways of intimacy is important to create the space for more closeness with my husband. We take time for dates with low or no physical expectations to take the pressure off.” -Taylora, 30

4. Education Station

Breastfeeding classes, books, and lactation specialists are for everyone! The more you know the more you can support mom and share the mental load that comes with early parenthood. There are more resources now than ever! Just check online for support groups and virtual classes or your local hospital for in person classes.

“So grateful my partner was eager to learn. There are plenty of resources for couples to be doing together. It’s not just for mom, it’s for everyone. We had very positive classes that encouraged partners to be there and were easily accessible online.”- Sydney, 33

 

“As a new dad, my introduction to breastfeeding was the day my son was born. In time, I learned you don’t need fancy gadgets to get the job done. In fact, warm water in a coffee mug was my fool-proof way to warm up a bottle.” – Tony, 39

5. You’re in This Together

You’re on the biggest learning curve of your life, but thank goodness you’re not alone! Even with all the classes, reading and mental preparation you’ll still have plenty of ups and downs particularly when you first bring baby home; the most important things to remember is that you will figure it out, just as every parent before you has, and that you’ll have to figure it out together. “Most mothers (57%) considered their support group to be slightly or moderately important in influencing their decision to breastfeed beyond a year….”* Your intentional support makes a big difference.

“I prepared as much as I could to feed my baby but I was surprised that the baby didn’t know what to do so I had to think for them too.” – Sydney, 33

 

“Practically, my husband helped by cleaning the bottles and being willing to be awake for feeding at night. Emotionally, he made sure I felt supported and let me know I was doing my best to help the baby.” -Becky, 35

The more we support breastfeeding moms the healthier our families can be. Our very own Mr. Dad, Armin Brott, has written many resources to answer questions for new fathers. Check them out on our resources page or on amazon.

For specific advice and care please consult your physician.

*Source: NIH: Women’s experiences with breastfeeding longer than 12 months
Photo by Jonathan Borba