A Cancer Diagnosis Can Infect the Whole Family

Life is chaotic and unpredictable which can make it difficult to prepare for scenarios that are beyond our control. You can get into the habit of the natural routine of your life – work, family, repeat. But what happens when you get the news that you have cancer?  It’s no longer clocking in and clocking out; instead, it’s over-crowded waiting rooms and being prodded with various needles to see what the next options are. My family went through the turmoil of cancer when we found out that my dad’s brain cancer had come back.

As a kid, hearing your dad has cancer isn’t something that can be understood. My siblings and I were told that my dad had a brain tumor, but we were so young we didn’t understand what was going on. My parents didn’t bring us to doctor’s appointments because they thought it was important that our childhoods weren’t compromised. However, that could never happen. Cancer doesn’t just infect the sick, but the whole family. My dad may have been injected with chemo and spent most days not being able to get out of bed, but my siblings and I had to learn how to handle a terminal diagnosis. Every single one of us had to handle our grief in our own way as my dad trudged on with his treatment. 

As a parent, you may want to shield your kids from the hardest parts of cancer. My parents kept us away from the hospital, but they made sure to talk to us whenever a major surgery or new treatment was about to begin. Being a ten year old at the time, I don’t think going to the doctor’s office with my dad would have helped me come to terms with his cancer. Instead, we were left home with various members of our community to look after us. It was during these dark times that we were able to see who was willing to step up to the plate. It wasn’t just a way to help my mom, but a way to keep my siblings and me distracted.

We were watched by families we didn’t really know, taken to soccer practice by our classmates’ parents, and we were fed a different casserole by a different family each night we came home and found one left on our doorstep. It was a time when we saw a different side to our community. We learned new skills like learning to bale hay in the spring or that the neighbor kids also liked to sneak out at night to play cops and robbers. Friendships were born and connections were made that would’ve never happened had we not needed a distraction from cancer.

Cancer quickly became the thing that defined my family. We couldn’t go anywhere in our small town without someone knowing who we were. At times, it was the most frustrating thing to be famous for. However, it did show the empathy that my parents’ friends and neighbors had. Even when we weren’t able to see a light at the end of the tunnel, someone was there to pick us up. Cancer can easily be the darkness that defines your life, but you don’t have to crawl through that darkness alone. Think about it.  You never are really alone if you let others into your life at a time of need and confusion.